Today I made the decision to give it another try.
I am signing up for another half marathon.
As the months have ticked on in 2016, I knew the day was going to come when a decision would need to be made. I have really struggled with this over the past few months and intentionally abandoned all training that would be associated with a goal of this nature. I haven’t even been back to my running group since the last race. I was a rebel with no cause.
In the past month, I have viewed this decision like a Fabergé egg on the shelf. I have picked it up, turned it around and mused the thoughts associated with it – every time I put it back on the shelf. Each time I went to that place, I remembered the struggles of last year. I remembered the physical struggle, the needles needed to release the muscles in my calves, the weekly physio appointments, the 4 am wake up calls and all the decisions that come when you lock in a goal like this impacting your physical, emotional and social life. Did I really want to do this again?? There was a fight going. It was my head vs my heart… then I read the following quote…
Last year I grew as a person in those training months. I went through some tough person moments but I came out the other end stronger and more dedicated to my personal growth than ever before.
As I remembered those training days I realized I was focusing on the negative on the experience and not the amazing positive one. It was time to flip the coin over. On Saturday morning I decided to try a 10k, the longest distance I have done in months. As I opened my eyes that morning I saw a text from a friend encouraging me that I could achieve anything I put my mind to. I took his advice and when it got tough I pushed forward. Finishing that run on Saturday I went back to the shelf and looked back at the decision of not running these long distances anymore. I picked it up and there was no more fear- it was time. I could do this.
The crazy thing is that sometimes the unknown can be a blessing because you really have no idea what you are getting yourself into. The second time around, the battle loses some of its shine and is a bit more daunting, the hope glass is cautioned full to the mid-point. You know the highs and you know the lows but somewhere in your heart there is that little voice that whispers to try again against all reason, because this time, this time you just might get what you have been waiting for.
So the decision is made and I am dedicating this race to all of my patients to whom this is not your first round of IVF and you know, just as I do, that it is the possibility of success that is pulling us forward. Will it be easy, no, will it be worth it – absolutely!
Join me for the next few months as I start my training and we will run this race together side by side -we got this! Time to lace up!